Texting Anxiety in Dating: When to Text, Double-Texting, and Overthinking

You send a text. She doesn't reply. Your mind runs: Did I say something wrong? Is she losing interest? Should I text again or wait? If you wait, you feel like you're playing games. If you text again, you worry you'll seem needy. Texting in dating can turn into a source of constant anxiety. You're not alone. Here's how to ease it.

Why Texting Feels So High-Stakes

Texting is ambiguous. You can't see her face or hear her tone. So your brain fills in the blanks. Often with the worst: she's not interested, she's ghosting, you messed up. The delay between sending and replying gives your mind time to spiral. Plus, there's no real rulebook. "Wait two hours" or "never double-text" are made-up rules. What actually matters is whether you're being respectful and whether you can tolerate not knowing for a while.

When to Text: There's No Perfect Formula

There's no evidence that waiting X hours makes you more attractive. What matters more is that you're not blowing up her phone or demanding instant replies. If you want to ask her out, ask. If you're following up after a date, one message is fine. If she doesn't reply, you can send one gentle follow-up after a few days ("No worries if you're busy, just didn't want to leave it hanging"). After that, the ball is in her court. You don't need to game the timing.

Double-Texting: It Depends

Double-texting isn't automatically bad. Sending two messages in a row when she hasn't replied can feel desperate if the second is "Hello? Did you get my message?" It can feel normal if the second is a new thought or a light follow-up. The issue is usually tone and frequency. One or two messages, spaced out, that don't demand a response are fine. Ten messages in a row are not. If you're unsure, send one. Wait. If no reply, one follow-up. Then leave it.

What to Do When You're Spiraling

When you notice yourself overthinking her text (or her silence), pause. Ask: What do I actually know? I know I sent a message. I don't know why she hasn't replied. Possible reasons: she's busy, she's not on her phone, she's thinking about it, she's not interested. You can't know which without more information. Write that down. Then put the phone away and do something else. Checking every five minutes won't give you an answer; it will keep you stuck in anxiety.

Use the Same Tools You Use for Other Dating Anxiety

The same approach that helps with approach anxiety or post-date spiraling helps here. Catch the thought ("She's not interested because she didn't reply"). Check the evidence. What do you know for sure? What are other possible explanations? Then choose one action: send one follow-up or don't. After that, you're not in control of her reply. You're in control of whether you spiral or not.

ConfidenceConnect includes exercises for catching and checking worried thoughts. You can use them when texting anxiety kicks in: name the thought, list evidence for and against, and decide on one clear move instead of reacting to every urge to text or check.