Fortune Telling in Dating: When You're Sure You Know How It Will Go

You haven't said a word yet, but you already know: this conversation will be awkward. She won't want a second date. You'll mess it up. That's fortune telling: treating a prediction about the future as if it's already true. You can't know how it will go. But when your brain acts like it does, you show up tense, avoid, or give up before you start. Here's how to catch it and come back to the present.

What Fortune Telling Looks Like in Dating

"This conversation will be awkward and she won't want a second date."
"If I ask her out, she'll say no."
"The date will be a disaster."
"She's going to lose interest once she gets to know me."
"I'll run out of things to say in the first five minutes."

In each case, you're writing the script before the scene happens. The prediction feels certain. But it's a guess, and often a biased one. Anxiety leans toward the worst. So you're not seeing the future; you're rehearsing fear.

Why We Do It

Predicting disaster feels like being prepared. If you expect the worst, you won't be surprised. The problem is that the prediction doesn't protect you. It just makes you more anxious and more likely to act in ways that bring about the very thing you fear (holding back, seeming stiff, leaving early). Plus, have your past predictions been accurate? Many people find they're wrong as often as they're right. Fortune telling isn't insight. It's anxiety in disguise.

What to Do Instead

Ask: Have my predictions been accurate in the past?
Think of times you predicted the worst. How often did it happen exactly as you feared? How often did things go okay or better than you thought? That's evidence that your crystal ball is foggy.

Use a reframe.
"I can't predict the future. Let me focus on being present rather than forecasting disaster." You're not promising yourself a great outcome. You're reminding yourself that you don't know, and that the only moment you can act in is now.

Bring attention back to the present.
When you notice yourself forecasting, name it: "I'm predicting the worst again." Then do something that anchors you in the moment: notice your feet on the floor, take a breath, listen to what she's actually saying. You can't control the future. You can show up for this moment.

ConfidenceConnect includes prompts that ask "Have your predictions been accurate in the past?" so you can challenge fortune telling and shift focus to what you can do right now.